10 May 2015

The Big Bang Theory (Season 08) Quotes

Title: The Big Bang Theory

Season 08

Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, Officer Hernandez? Any leads on the person who stole my belongings?
? Hernandez: Not yet.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, perhaps I can help. Sherlock Holmes always says when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. Now, have, have you tried doing that?
? Hernandez: Nope.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, maybe you should. There's lots of books called 'Sherlock Holmes' and there's no books called 'Officer Hernandez'.
-- S08E01 The Locomotion Interruption

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: But I don't know anything about pharmaceuticals.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Oh, I understand. You want to do something you're already good at. I know. Why don't I get you a job at the Sitting Around All Day Wearing Yoga Pants Factory?
-- S08E01 The Locomotion Interruption

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Um, I'm sorry, listen, could you do me a favor and not tell Bernadette how badly I blew this interview? She'll get upset. And honestly I'm a, a little terrified of her.
Dan: Wait, wait. You're scared of Bernadette?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, kinda.
Dan ?: I thought it was just me. Everyone thinks she's so nice with that squeaky little voice.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I know, but she's kind of a bully.
Dan ?: Well, she is. I didn't even want to meet you, but, uh, I was too scared to say no to her.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Me, too.
Dan ?: Yeah, yeah. One time, I had to, I had to tell her we were cutting the, the research funding for one of the drugs she was developing.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: What happened?
Dan ?: I couldn't do it. She’s still working on it. Oh, we're not gonna tell her about this, right?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh, my God, no.
-- S08E01 The Locomotion Interruption

Amy Fowler: You know, there is some research that indicates that sharing negative attitudes about a third party can be a powerful bonding force between two friends.
-- S08E02 The Junior Professor Solution

Howard Wolowitz: Hey, what if I took your class?
Sheldon Cooper: Why would you do that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, why would you do that?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: What's wrong with you?
Howard Wolowitz: I'm thinking about getting my doctorate, and he wants to teach. Why not?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, Howard. I appreciate the gesture, but this is a graduate-level physics class. I don't think you'd understand a single thing I was talking about.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Ask why not again, I've got an answer.
Howard Wolowitz: Sheldon, I'm more than smart enough to take your class.
Sheldon Cooper: No.
Howard Wolowitz: Yes.
Sheldon Cooper: How would you determine the ground state of a quantum system with no exact solution?
Howard Wolowitz: I would guess a wave-function and then vary its parameters until I found the lowest energy solution.
Sheldon Cooper: Hmm. Do you know how to integrate X squared times E to the minus X, without looking it up?
Howard Wolowitz: I'd use Feynman's trick, differentiate under the integral sign.
Sheldon Cooper: Okay. Um, what is the correct interpretation of quantum mechanics?
Howard Wolowitz: Since every interpretation gives exactly the same answer to every measurement, they are all equally correct. However, I know you believe in the Many Worlds Interpretation, so I'll say that. Now do you think I'm smart enough?
Sheldon Cooper: No.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, come on. You might've gone to school for a couple more years than me, but guess what, engineers are just as smart as physicists.
Sheldon Cooper: You take that back.
Howard Wolowitz: No.
-- S08E02 The Junior Professor Solution

Leonard Hofstadter: Hmm. You're up late.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I'm working on my lesson plan for Wolowitz. He is going to be so lost. Look at this section over here, even I don't really understand it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, why are you doing this?
Sheldon Cooper: I'm a teacher, Leonard. It's my job.
Leonard Hofstadter: No, I mean, why are you going to so much trouble to prove that you're smarter than Wolowitz?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, it's no trouble, it's actually a pleasure.
Leonard Hofstadter: You want to know what I think? I think the idea that someone could be as smart as you, or even smarter, scares the pants off you, and you can't deal with it.
Sheldon Cooper: Interesting point. You're suggesting that I have emotional issues below my consciousness which drive my behavior, thus causing me to lash out at anything or anyone that threatens my intellectual superiority.
Leonard Hofstadter: Might be something to think about.
-- S08E02 The Junior Professor Solution

Sheldon Cooper: Okay, now that everyone's here, we can begin.
Howard Wolowitz: Before we do, I just talked to Leonard. And if you're gonna spend all your time trying to belittle me by making this class unnecessarily hard, then I'm out. But if you're interested in making a sincere effort to be a good teacher, then I'm willing to give this a shot.
Sheldon Cooper: I suppose that's a fair request. There's no reason we both can’t benefit from this experience.
Howard Wolowitz: Okay.
-- S08E02 The Junior Professor Solution

Howard Wolowitz: I'm smart enough, Sheldon. Asking me a bunch of questions about a topic I'm not familiar with doesn't prove anything. I could do the same to you.
-- S08E02 The Junior Professor Solution

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: All right, the pitcher's mound in Major League Baseball is sixty feet, six inches away from home plate.
Howard Wolowitz: Great. You take this and say when to stop. How much further?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Keep going.
Howard Wolowitz: How about now?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I'll let you know.
Howard Wolowitz: Are you saying stop and we're just too far away to hear you?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Okay, stop.
Howard Wolowitz: Are you kidding me?!
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: That's sixty feet.
Howard Wolowitz: There's no way this is sixty feet.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I'm looking at it.
Howard Wolowitz: You realize this isn't one of those times I want you to exaggerate how long something is.
-- S08E03 The First Pitch Insufficiency

Leonard Hofstadter: Are you mad at me?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: No, stop being stupid.
Leonard Hofstadter: Um, whew? Is this about the test, or is this about us?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Look, I don't need a score on a test to make me worry about something I'm already worried about.
Leonard Hofstadter: What are you worried about?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: That we're engaged and have nothing in common, and it scares me.
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, that scares me, too.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: It does?
Leonard Hofstadter: Sometimes.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Well, that's not good. You being blindly infatuated with me was the rock we were building this relationship on.
Leonard Hofstadter: Okay, well, this might make you feel better. Uh, we're both scared that our marriage will be a disaster, and so, that's something that we have in common. Also, we both think I'm not funny. Huh? See, you're not laughing.
-- S08E03 The First Pitch Insufficiency

Howard Wolowitz: Hey, Mike. Listen, NASA asked me to throw out the first pitch at an Angels game. You got any advice?
Michael Massimino, also known as Mike: Yeah. Don't do it. What else you up to?
Howard Wolowitz: Why shouldn't I do it?
Michael Massimino, also known as Mike: There's no upside. If you do well, no one cares. And if you screw up, you're an idiot on YouTube forever.
-- S08E03 The First Pitch Insufficiency

Leonard Hofstadter: Marriage is scary. You're scared, I'm scared. But it doesn't make me not want to do it. It, it just makes me want to hold your hand and do it with you.
-- S08E03 The First Pitch Insufficiency

Sheldon Cooper: Speaking of which, according to a recent study out of Oxford University, when someone takes on a new romantic partner, that person loses one or two close friends.
Howard Wolowitz: Since when do you read social science?
Sheldon Cooper: I go to the bathroom like everybody else.
-- S08E04 The Hook-Up Reverbration

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Last night was fun. What did you think of Emily?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I don't know. I kind of got the sense she didn't like me.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Did she say she didn't like you?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Of course not. No one ever says they don't like you straight to your face.
Amy Fowler: We have led different lives.
-- S08E04 The Hook-Up Reverbration

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: You told Emily we hooked up?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Um, well, in my defense, I tell everybody.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Why would you say that?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: We were having a conversation about past lovers.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: We weren't lovers. Come on. Everyone knows we didn't sleep together. We got drunk and fooled around. Why couldn't you just leave me out of it?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Well, we were being honest. You would leave me out of the conversation with the next guy if you dumped Leonard?
Leonard Hofstadter: Why say it?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yes.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Well, I would never leave you off my list, and not just because, without you, we're playing fast and loose with the word list.
-- S08E04 The Hook-Up Reverbration

Leonard Hofstadter: Uh, do you know how Penny told Raj he should have left her off his list?
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah.
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, do you think when she and I had that conversation, she left people off her list?
Sheldon Cooper: I'm sure she did.
Leonard Hofstadter: Why?
Sheldon Cooper: Because if she hadn't, she'd still be wading through the list.
Leonard Hofstadter: Will you stay out of this?
Sheldon Cooper: If only Penny had said that once in a while.
Howard Wolowitz: Hey, what difference does it make? You're the one she wants to marry.
Leonard Hofstadter: That's true.
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, and I’m not sure that complete honesty is always the best thing for a relationship.
-- S08E04 The Hook-Up Reverbration

Sheldon Cooper: I'd like your honest opinion on something.
Amy Fowler: Of course.
Sheldon Cooper: Now, before I start, I need you to know that I'm very excited about this, and anything you say that isn't enthusiastically supportive will throw our entire relationship into question. So, keep an open mind.
Amy Fowler: I'm feeling a little backed into a corner, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper: Perfect. Now, I'm considering investing in Stuart's comic book store.
Amy Fowler: Interesting. Can you see how a grown man, an accomplished scientist, who invests in a store that sells picture books about flying men in colorful underwear might be wasting both his financial and intellectual resources?
Sheldon Cooper: No.
Amy Fowler: Then I think it's a terrific idea.
-- S08E04 The Hook-Up Reverbration

Sheldon Cooper: Do you know that the word wiener comes from the German name of the Austrian capital Vienna, or Wien?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Do you know if you look at Austria on a map, it actually looks like a wiener?
-- S08E05 The Focus Attenuation

Leonard Hofstadter: Everyone stop. This was a stupid idea. Negative reinforcement isn't working.
Sheldon Cooper: I think you mean positive punishment. Negative reinforcement is the removal of a positive stimulus. It's a common mistake.
Howard Wolowitz: Negative reinforcement is really wrong?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, it's used incorrectly all the time...
-- S08E05 The Focus Attenuation

Sheldon Cooper: Are they making fun of us?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Yup.
Sheldon Cooper: I miss the old days when I couldn't tell.
-- S08E06 The Expedition Approximation

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Hey, Sheldon, you busy?
Sheldon Cooper: I'm always busy. This mind is capable of advanced multitasking. You know, currently, I'm attempting to solve the Penrose conjecture, I'm composing my Nobel acceptance speech for when I've solved the Penrose conjecture, and I'm wondering how mermaids have babies.
-- S08E06 The Expedition Approximation

Howard Wolowitz: I guess the sad truth is, not everyone will accomplish something great. Some of us may just have to find meaning in the little moments that make up life.
-- S08E10 The Champagne Reflection

Leonard Hofstadter: Now you're helping them find ways to make us miserable?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, I'm sorry, Leonard. I'm a problem-solver, it's what I do.
-- S08E12 The Space Probe Disintegration

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You know, worrying won't have any effect on what happens.
-- S08E12 The Space Probe Disintegration

Sheldon Cooper: According to a classic psychological experiment by Yerkes and Dodson, in order to maximize performance, one must create a state of productive anxiety. So I'd like to ask you all to do something for me. Keep me on my toes. Just throw me off my game. Essentially, go out of your way to make my life miserable.
-- S08E13 The Anxiety Optimisation

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: I'm so sick of people being mean on the internet.
Howard Wolowitz: Well, I think the anonymity makes everyone feel they can say things they'd never say to your face.
Sheldon Cooper: Interesting. I can't think of a single thing I wouldn't say to someone's face.
-- S08E14 The Troll Manifestation

Sheldon Cooper: Ugh, let it go. I have heard that my whole life. Every time something upsets me, somebody says, "let it go". You know, like it's my fault, and it's not okay to feel the way I feel.
-- S08E15 The Comic Book Store Regeneration

Sheldon Cooper: Well, I'll give you three guesses why I'm so irritated.
Howard Wolowitz: Something happened different from the way you wanted it.
Sheldon Cooper: I guess news travels fast.
-- S08E20 The Fortification Implementation

Sheldon Cooper: Do you think there comes a point in life when it stops feeling bad to be left out of things?
Amy Fowler: Probably not. It's an evolutionary advantage to be included in group activities.
-- S08E20 The Fortification Implementation

Leonard Hofstadter: Hang on, if you're making all this money, where is it?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: In a safe place.
Leonard Hofstadter: What does that mean, under your bed?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: No, it means a diversified portfolio of stocks and bonds. I'm not overly conservative. I'm young, so my guy said I can afford to take some risks.
Leonard Hofstadter: Wait a minute, you have 'a guy'?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Don't you have a guy?
Leonard Hofstadter: Why would I have a guy?! I don't have any money!
-- S08E20 The Fortification Implementation

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Leonard, why are you making such a big deal out of this? So our roles have changed a bit over the last couple of years. That's the way life is. And I'm sure, in time, they'll change again.
Leonard Hofstadter: Great. Not only are you more successful than me. Now you're more mature.
-- S08E20 The Fortification Implementation

Leonard Hofstadter: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. And when people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought.
-- S08E22 The Graduation Transmission

Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me. Starting to watch a television show that might run for years isn't a decision to take lightly. I'm wrestling with a big commitment issue here. -- S08E24 The Commitment Determination

Leonard Hofstadter: I'm gonna guess that your main concern is the time commitment of watching an entire season of a new show.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, no, not just a season. If I'm in, I'm in for the whole run, even if the quality declines.
-- S08E24 The Commitment Determination

Sheldon Cooper: Well, look at that, even when I'm causing problems, I make the world a better place.
-- S08E24 The Commitment Determination

Emily Sweeney: Look, Raj, be honest with me. If you want to end things, just do it. Don't expect me to do it for you.
-- S08E24 The Commitment Determination