12 May 2012

The Big Bang Theory (Season 05) Quotes


Title: The Big Bang Theory



Season 05

Sheldon Cooper: It's not what it looks like. It's not what it looks like.
Leonard Hofstadter: What are you grinding about?
Sheldon Cooper: Penny's brain teaser this morning. She and Koothrappali emerge from your bedroom. She is disheveled, and Raj is dressed only in a sheet. The sole clue, it’s not what it looks like.
Leonard Hofstadter: Just let it go, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper: If I could, I would, but I can't, so I shan't. Now, knowing Penny, the obvious answer is, they engaged in coitus. But, since that's what it looked like, we can rule that out. Let's put on our thinking cap, shall we?...
Leonard Hofstadter: They slept together, Sherlock.
Sheldon Cooper: No, you weren't listening. She said, it's not what it looks like.
Leonard Hofstadter: She lied.
-- S05E01 The Skank Reflex Analysis

Bernadette Rostenkowski: What the hell is wrong with you?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Well, you were always so nice to me, I thought maybe you liked me.
Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm nice to everyone.
-- S05E01 The Skank Reflex Analysis

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: You know, I've done this before. In kindergarten, I was supposed to marry Jason Sorensen at recess, but by the time my class got out there, he was already engaged to Chelsea Himmelfarb. So what did I do? (I) hung upside down from the monkey bars, let all the boys see my underpants.
Amy Fowler: You can't blame yourself. When your pre-frontal cortex fails to make you happy, promiscuity rewards you with the needed flood of dopamine. We neurobiologists refer to this as the 'skank reflex'.
-- S05E01 The Skank Reflex Analysis

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: We should have never slept together. It's what ruins friendships.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: You can't ruin a friendship with sex. That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles.
-- S05E01 The Skank Reflex Analysis

Amy Fowler: Sheldon, just because you have a focus on cleanliness bordering on the psychotic doesn't mean I have to participate.
-- S05E02 The Infestation Hypothesis

Leonard Hofstadter: Who wants the last dumpling?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh, me.
Sheldon Cooper: Penny, a moment. We just had Thai food. In that culture, the last morsel is called the krengjai piece, and it is reserved for the most important and valued member of the group.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Thank you all for this high honor.
-- S05E03 The Pulled Groin Extrapolation

Sheldon Cooper: Okay, get this. It doesn't matter if he’s showering her with gifts, because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: What do you mean 'vastly wealthy'?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, wealthy means a lot of money, and vastly means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up.
-- S05E04 The Wiggly Finger Catalyst

Sheldon Cooper: I've long said what you lack in academic knowledge you make up for in street smarts.
-- S05E05 The Russian Rocket Reaction

Mary Cooper: You have any idea what's going on with those two?
Leonard Hofstadter: It's kind of like the Loch Ness monster, maybe there's something there, maybe there isn't. We'll probably never know but sometimes it's fun to creep yourself out thinking about it!
-- S05E06 The Rhinitis Revelation

Amy Fowler: Sheldon, we're all animals. And granted, there are aspects of you that are extraordinary, but when it comes to emotions and relationships, you're just like everybody else.
Sheldon Cooper: Are you trying to suggest that my emotional problems are no different than those of a stupid person?
Amy Fowler: Actually, some research indicates that by not overthinking, the less intelligent handle emotions better.
-- S05E06 The Rhinitis Revelation

Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, I've learned something today. You and I, in so many ways, other than intelligence and what counts, we're the same.
-- S05E06 The Rhinitis Revelation

Mary Cooper: Sweetheart, are you sick?
Sheldon Cooper: I hope so, because if this is well, life isn't worth living.
-- S05E06 The Rhinitis Revelation

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Leonard, you're looking for a way to sleep with both women, and have everybody be happy about it.
Leonard Hofstadter: Now we're getting somewhere.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: What does your gut tell you?
Leonard Hofstadter: Go ask Penny; she'll know what to do.
-- S05E07 The Good Guy Fluctuation

Leonard Hofstadter: I'm having a moral crisis.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, if it's of any help, I've read all the great moral philosophers, including Dr. Seuss.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, what the hell. I'm supposed to go see that girl from the comic book store, Alice, but I don't know if I should, because I'm going out with Priya, but she's in India.
Sheldon Cooper: Alright. So the topic at hand is sexual fidelity. Probably won't be relying on Seuss here. Although One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish might be surprisingly applicable. Go on.
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, they say at the end of your life, you regret the stuff you didn't do more than the stuff that you did, and I'm pretty sure Alice is the stuff I want to do.
Sheldon Cooper: You know, the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche believed that morality is just a fiction used by the herd of inferior human beings to hold back the few superior men.
Leonard Hofstadter: That actually does help.
Sheldon Cooper: It's worth noting that he died of syphilis.
-- S05E07 The Good Guy Fluctuation

Priya Koothrappali: So, I guess we both messed up a little.
Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, I messed up a little. You messed up a lot.
Priya Koothrappali: Well, it's not a competition.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh yeah, it is, and you won.
-- S05E07 The Good Guy Fluctuation

Sheldon Cooper: Ladies, please. These four walls once housed an intellectual salon where the mind received nourishment as well as the stomach. But through no one's fault, Penny, the quality of dinner conversation in this apartment has declined. And again, I'm looking at no one in particular, Penny.
...
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Through no one's fault, Sheldon, we're leaving.
-- S05E08 The Isolation Permutation

Sheldon Cooper: New topic. Women, delightfully mysterious or bat-crap crazy?
-- S05E08 The Isolation Permutation

Sheldon Cooper: Would you like to talk about it? And keep in mind that no is a perfectly viable answer.
-- S05E08 The Isolation Permutation

Sheldon Cooper: Point of order. As you're in distress, it would be customary for me to offer you a hot beverage. But I'm a guest in your home, so it would be customary for you to offer me a beverage. How do you want to proceed vis-a-vis beverages?
-- S05E08 The Isolation Permutation

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: No, I'm talking to him because he's cute.
Leonard Hofstadter: Come on, he's not that cute.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yes he is, with his dorky t-shirt and his little hipster glasses.
Leonard Hofstadter: I wear dorky t-shirts and glasses.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, but when you're tall and have great cheekbones, you're doing it ironically.
-- S05E09 The Ornithophobia Diffusion

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, listen to me. Playing games is not gonna help get Amy back.
Sheldon Cooper: I am not trying to get her back. But, out of curiosity, what is a way?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: All right, honey, let me tell you a story. There was a guy I liked, and I never told him how I felt. Eventually, he started going out with someone else, and I always regretted it. Do you see where I'm going with this?
Sheldon Cooper: I believe I do. I'm the guy.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: You're not the guy.
Sheldon Cooper: Are you sure? That would explain so much. Your constant presence in my apartment, that baffling dalliance with Leonard just to be near me, the way you call me sweetie all the time.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I call everyone sweetie.
Sheldon Cooper: You tramp.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Look, Sheldon, all I'm saying is strap on a pair and go talk to Amy.
-- S05E10 The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Sheldon Cooper: With the understanding that nothing changes whatsoever, physical or otherwise, I would not object to us no longer characterizing you as not my girlfriend.
Amy Fowler: Interesting. Now try it without the quadruple negative.
Sheldon Cooper: You're being impossible.
-- S05E10 The Flaming Spittoon Acquisition

Bernadette Rostenkowski: I'm sorry. I know it makes me sound like a bad person, but I just don't like children.
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, no, we all got that. But don't you think it'll be different when the child is ours?
Bernadette Rostenkowski: Right, when it's our kid that’s ruined my body and kept me up all night and I've got no career and no future and nothing to be happy about for the next 20 years, sure, that'll be completely different.
Howard Wolowitz: Well, yeah.
-- S05E12 The Shiny Trinket Maneouvre

Howard Wolowitz: I don't know. I can't see a life where I don't have kids. I mean, people have kids...
Leonard Hofstadter: You know, there's no guarantee even if you have kids that you're going to like them.
-- S05E12 The Shiny Trinket Maneouvre

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Leonard, you know I will always have feelings for you.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, God.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: What?
Leonard Hofstadter: You said always. You'll always have feelings for me.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: So?
Leonard Hofstadter: So, that sounds more like something you'd say if you didn't want a relationship with someone. This isn't working out, but I'll always have feelings for you. I'm sorry I slept with your best friend, but I'll always have feelings for you...
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: How would you say it?
Leonard Hofstadter: I have feelings for you.
Penny: It's the same thing.
Leonard Hofstadter: No, it's not. Always made it worse.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: You're overthinking this.
Leonard Hofstadter: No, I'm not.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yes, you are. You always overthink things.
Leonard Hofstadter: Ah, now, there you go. Always made it worse.
-- S05E13 The Recombination Hypothesis

Bernadette Rostenkowski: I don't know, I don't want to manipulate him with sex.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for.
-- S05E16 The Vacation Solution

Leonard Hofstadter: Where's Howard?
Rajesh Koothrappali , also known as Raj: No 'hi, Raj'? No 'how are you, Raj'? Just straight to where's the other white guy?
-- S05E16 The Vacation Solution

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, what just happened?
Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know. Between you playing chess like Bobby Fischer, and Sheldon being okay with you in his spot, I'm guessing someone went back in time, stepped on a bug, and changed the course of human events.
-- S05E18 The Werewolf Transformation

Rajesh Koothrappali , also known as Raj: Excuse me, I have something to say. None of you may realize it, but I was very much looking forward to this weekend. It was gonna be like the old days, the four of us hanging out playing video games before you guys all got girlfriends. Do you have any idea what it's like to be the only one without a girlfriend? Even if I get one someday, I'll still be the guy who got a girl after Sheldon Cooper!
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: And that’s how a girl makes a scene...
-- S05E19 The Weekend Vortex

Sheldon Cooper: You don't think I'm condescending, do you?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Well...
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I'm sorry, condescending means...
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I know what it means. And yes, you love correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon Cooper: Au contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Come on, you do it to feel superior. I see that twinkle in your eye when someone says who instead of whom or thinks the moon is a planet.
-- S05E21 The Hawking Excitation

Howard Wolowitz: I want you to tell me I'm good at what I do.
Sheldon Cooper: You're obviously good at what you do.
Howard Wolowitz: Well, then why are you always ripping on me?
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, I understand the confusion. I have never said that you are not good at what you do. It's just that what you do is not worth doing.
-- S05E21 The Hawking Excitation

Howard Wolowitz: Well, that's it. My orders have been rescinded. I am officially no-go to space.
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry, Howard. But I gotta tell you, I'm a little relieved you're not going.
Howard Wolowitz: Why?
Leonard Hofstadter: Come on, you were gonna go up in a rocket designed in the 1960s by the Russians.
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, so?
Leonard Hofstadter: When was the last time you were at Best Buy and you heard someone say, "Oh, check out this Blu-Ray player. It must be good, it was built in Russia"?
-- S05E23 The Launch Acceleration

Sheldon Cooper: Look at us, Leonard, engaging in the social convention of men bellyaching about their ol' ladies.
...
Sheldon Cooper: So, that's how this works? I complain, and then you complain, and no one offers any solutions?
Leonard Hofstadter: Pretty much.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, no wonder the women are winning.
-- S05E23 The Launch Acceleration

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