18 May 2014

The Big Bang Theory (Season 07) Quotes


Title: The Big Bang Theory



Season 07

Sheldon Cooper: I want you to be happy, too, but not enough to do anything about it.
-- S07E01 The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Howard Wolowitz: Looks like she accepted your apology.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: And then some. I think we had a moment.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, please, you did not have a moment.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Who died and made you king of moments?
-- S07E01 The Hofstadter Insufficiency

Amy Fowler: Sheldon, "don't defecate where you eat" means don't have a romantic relationship in the workplace.
Sheldon Cooper: Really?
Amy Fowler: Yes.
Sheldon Cooper: Huh. Yeah, I always took it literally. That's why I have never once moved my bowels in this or any restaurant.
-- S07E05 The Workplace Proximity

Howard Wolowitz: No, no, listen to me. Sheldon misunderstood. What I meant was, if we worked together, there'd be too much of me for you, not the other way around.
Sheldon Cooper: Howard, if you're going to lie to your wife, don't start the sentence with Sheldon misunderstood. That's a dead giveaway.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Well?
Howard Wolowitz: Okay, fine. I did say that, and I think it's true. I think if we worked together and lived together, we'd get sick of each other.
Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, but to be fair, he only said the part about him getting sick of you.
Howard Wolowitz: For the love of God, why?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: What exactly do you think you'd get sick of?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one.
Howard Wolowitz: It's nothing in particular. I...
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Is it my voice? Am I too bossy? What?
Howard Wolowitz: My arm is feeling numb.
Leonard Hofstadter: Nailed it.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: That's the wrong arm for a heart attack, doofus.
Howard Wolowitz: My point is, I'm sure there are things about me that would drive you crazy if you had to deal with them all day long.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Like looking me in the eye and lying to me?
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, come on, where am I supposed to look when I lie to you?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Find somewhere else to sleep tonight.
-- S07E05 The Workplace Proximity

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, Sheldon, what happened between you and Amy?
Sheldon Cooper: Well, can you believe she said I embarrassed her?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah.
Sheldon Cooper: But you didn't even hear the details.
Leonard Hofstadter: Sheldon, I've known you a long time, and I'm going to tell you this with all the love I can possibly muster. Amy's right. You're wrong.
Sheldon Cooper: But you don't even know...
Leonard Hofstadter: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon Cooper: But, now, but in my defense...
Leonard Hofstadter: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon Cooper: You're not listening to my side of it.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, fine, Sheldon. What is your side?
Sheldon Cooper: Well...
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Nope, got to go with Amy on this one.
-- S07E05 The Workplace Proximity

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I may have overreacted.
Howard Wolowitz: Well, yeah. Well, I didn't handle it so great either.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Just, sometimes I feel like you enjoy spending time with your friends more than with me.
Howard Wolowitz: That's not true.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: It's not? You spend all day together at work and then, you all hang out at night playing games, going to the comic book store. Last week, you two got a couple's massage. You said you wouldn't want to spend that much time with me, it really hurt my feelings.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, wow. Yeah, I get that. I'm so sorry. Starting tomorrow, I am turning over a new leaf. Being with you is my number one priority.
-- S07E05 The Workplace Proximity

Sheldon Cooper: Amy, this isn't easy to say. All relationships are difficult, but even more so when you're in one with a person who struggles with everyday social interactions. And frankly, who can strike some people as being kind of a weirdo.
Amy Fowler: Sheldon, you're not a weirdo.
Sheldon Cooper: I wasn’t speaking about me. I mean, honestly, there's no telling what will set you off. You know, introducing myself as your boyfriend. Giving you the opportunity to drive me home. Breaking the ice with your colleagues using ethnic humor, the funniest kind of humor.
Amy Fowler: What's your point?
Sheldon Cooper: My point is, we're a couple, and I like you for who you are, quirks and all.
Amy Fowler: I like you, too.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, I should hope so. I don't see anyone else banging on this door to put up with your nonsense. Not even a good bye? You see, that's the kind of thing that makes people think you're weird. Poor kid. She just doesn't see it.
-- S07E05 The Workplace Proximity

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Look, Penny, if you truly want to be romantic, it needs to come from you.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I get that, but why is this so hard?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Well, you've probably never had to do this stuff 'cause you're young and beautiful, and men have always thrown themselves at you.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, I'm trying to be sad about that. I can't.
-- S07E06 The Romance Resonance

Sheldon Cooper: No. No, no, no, no.
Amy Fowler: What's wrong?
Sheldon Cooper: I've made a horrible mistake.
Amy Fowler: What are you talking about?
Sheldon Cooper: This table, it's in square centimeters. I read it as square meters. You know what that means?
Amy Fowler: That Americans can't handle the metric system?
-- S07E06 The Romance Resonance

Sheldon Cooper: What matters is the greatest scientific achievement of my life is based on a blunder. I'm not a genius, I'm a fraud.
Amy Fowler: You know, Sheldon, in neuroscience, we're forever finding something in one part of the brain that we thought was someplace else.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, great. Now I'm worse than a fraud. I'm practically a biologist.
-- S07E06 The Romance Resonance

Leonard Hofstadter: You got to stop beating yourself up over this. I mean, you made a mistake, but it was a happy mistake.
Sheldon Cooper: There's nothing happy about it. I'm being given credit that I don't deserve.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, people get things they don't deserve all the time. Look at me with you.
-- S07E06 The Romance Resonance

Howard Wolowitz: Well, tonight is the anniversary of our first date, and I wanted to celebrate it by writing a song for you.
...
Howard Wolowitz: If I didn't have you, life would be blue, I'd be Dr. Who without the TARDIS.
...
Howard Wolowitz: A candle without a wick, a Watson without a Crick, I'd be one of my outfits without a dick-ie. I'd be cheese without the mac, Jobs without the Wozniak, I'd be solving exponential equations that use bases not found on your calculator making it much harder to crack. I'd be an atom without a bomb, a dot without the com, and I'd probably still live with my mom.
All: And he’d probably still live with his mom.
Howard Wolowitz: Ever since I met you, you turned my world around. You supported all my dreams and all my hopes. You're like uranium-235 and I'm uranium-238, almost inseparable isotopes. I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get from the moment that I met you Bernadette.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Oh, Howie.
Howard Wolowitz: If I didn't have you life would be dreary, I'd be string theory without any string. I'd be binary code without a one, a cathode ray tube without an electron gun. I'd be Firefly, Buffy and Avengers without Joss Whedon. I'd speak a lot more Klingon, Heghlu’meH QaQ jajvam.
All: And he'd definitely still live with his mom.
Howard Wolowitz: Ever since I met you, you turned my world around. You're my best friend and my lover. We're like changing electric and magnetic fields. You can't have one without the other. I couldn't have imagined how good my life would get from the moment that I met you, Bernadette.
All: Oh, we couldn't have imagined how good our lives would get from the moment that we met you, Bernadette.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Howie, that was amazing.
-- S07E06 The Romance Resonance

Sheldon Cooper: Hey, isn't that Professor Proton?
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, yeah.
Sheldon Cooper: Look at him, just standing in line like he wasn't moderately famous 30 years ago. Let's go say hello.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, maybe we shouldn't bother him.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm not going to bother him, I'm going to talk to him.
Leonard Hofstadter: He thinks there's a difference.
-- S07E07 The Proton Displacement

Howard Wolowitz: You're going to girls' night.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Yeah.
Howard Wolowitz: You know they're making jewelry right?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: You think they came up with that? They were going to drink beer and play darts.
Leonard Hofstadter: What's up?
Howard Wolowitz: Not his testosterone levels.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Excuse me. I happen to be very comfortable with my masculinity.
Howard Wolowitz: How is that possible?
-- S07E07 The Proton Displacement

Sheldon Cooper: Yeah, they say don't meet your heroes. Don't peek behind that curtain of fame and celebrity, because if you do, you'll see them as they really are, degenerate carnival folk.
-- S07E07 The Proton Displacement

Amy Fowler: Have you ever thought about why Arthur didn't want you to read his paper?
Sheldon Cooper: Yes, I have. And my only conclusion is the prescription he was picking up the other day was for cuckoo pills.
Amy Fowler: Maybe he found you, um, a bit much.
Sheldon Cooper: That's kind of a stretch. Look, when it comes to social skills, I've mastered the big three. There's the coy smile. There's the friendly chuckle. There's the vocalization of sympathy, Aw. That last one's tricky, I'm still working on it.
Amy Fowler: From what I saw the other day, I could understand why he and some people might find you...
Sheldon Cooper: What?
Amy Fowler: Doesn't matter.
Sheldon Cooper: No, go ahead, say it. I know what it is. I've heard it my whole life. The word's annoying. Go ahead, say it. Say it. Say I'm annoying.
-- S07E07 The Proton Displacement

Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: Can, can I ask you a question?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yeah, sure.
Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, uh, you know, because we're friends.
Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: Why?
Leonard Hofstadter: Wow, you ask really hard questions.
Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: Yeah.
Leonard Hofstadter: Look, I know he can be aggravating, but what you have to remember is that he's not doing it on purpose. It's just how he is. But he's also loyal and trustworthy and we have fun together.
Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: You, you know you're describing a dog.
Leonard Hofstadter: He did bite me once. But in his defense, I came up behind him while he was eating, so...
Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: Yeah, they, they hate that.
Leonard Hofstadter: You know what, Sheldon is the smartest person I have ever met. And he’s a little broken and he needs me. I guess I need him, too.
Arthur Jeffries, also known as Professor Proton: Why, why is that?
Leonard Hofstadter: Boy, you will not let this go, will you?
-- S07E07 The Proton Displacement

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Howard. Cow tipping. Real or not?
Howard Wolowitz: Mmm. I'm gonna say not. That's just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she's snoring. Speaking of that big side of beef, uh, she's invited all of you to Thanksgiving at her house.
Sheldon Cooper: Mmm. You know, I've been told that a bald refusal of an invitation is rude and one must instead offer up a polite excuse, so I'd love to go, but, unfortunately, that sounds awful.
-- S07E09 The Thanksgiving Decoupling

Howard Wolowitz: You're gonna brush your teeth on my couch?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: No, I'm gonna brush Cinnamon's teeth.
Howard Wolowitz: Why bother? She spends half the time licking her butt.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: And the other half licking my face. That's why I’m brushing her teeth.
-- S07E10 The Discovery Dissipation

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Hey, guys. Sorry, I'm so late. Did you already have dinner?
Howard Wolowitz: No, we were waiting for you.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Aw, that's so sweet.
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah. So what do you feel like making?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Howard, the poor thing just got home from work. Let me get you a glass of wine. I'll cook dinner.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Oh, Raj, you're our guest.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Don't be silly. Sit. You look like you've had a long day.
Howard Wolowitz: No, she always looks like that. Because she married an idiot.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Thank you, Raj.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Please, this is my way of thanking you for letting me stay here. Now, tell us all about your day.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Okay, um, well, first, I was late to a meeting 'cause I was stuck in traffic.
Howard Wolowitz: Well, I keep telling you to put that traffic app on your phone.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Hey, when you got home today complaining that you felt sick from eating too many jelly beans, did I tell you how to fix it? No. I said, aw, that must hurt, and I rubbed your belly.
Howard Wolowitz: I thought of you the whole time.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: All I'm saying is there’s a time to just listen.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Thank you.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: There's also a time to stop eating too many jelly beans. And it's when you're ten.
-- S07E10 The Discovery Dissipation

Sheldon Cooper: When I thought the element was real, I didn't want it. But now that Leonard made it not exist, I want it more than anything in the world.
...
Leonard Hofstadter: Will you tell him he's out of his mind?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Actually, I get what he's saying.
...
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: It's like if you're dating someone you're not that into, and then they break up with you and then you want them more than ever.
Sheldon Cooper: I have no idea what she's talking about, but we're ganging up on you so I agree.
-- S07E10 The Discovery Dissipation

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Raj, this dinner was amazing. If you're here much longer, I'm gonna have to buy bigger clothes.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Nonsense. You need a little fattening up. You've been looking too skinny lately.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Aw. Howie, how come you never say anything sweet like that?
Howard Wolowitz: What are you talking about? Remember last week, when I asked you if you were wearing Spanx and you weren't? How's that different?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Maybe you could try being more thoughtful, like your friend Raj.
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, well, maybe you could try being more like Raj.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Oh, really?
Howard Wolowitz: Yeah, yeah. He packed me a lunch this morning. And there was a note inside that said go get 'em.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Like I don't do enough around here. Now I need to pack your lunch? And by the way, why do you need a note telling you to go get 'em? You're a grown man, you should know to go get 'em.
Howard Wolowitz: I do know to go get 'em, but sometimes it's nice to have emotional support when I'm going and getting them.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Hey, hey, do you hear yourselves? Let's just, you know, all calm down and take a step back.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: This is stupid. Why are we fighting?
Howard Wolowitz: I don't know. I guess I was just feeling like I'm a lousy husband.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: You're not a lousy husband. You're a great husband. I was the one feeling like a lousy wife.
Howard Wolowitz: Are you kidding? You're the best. I know what the problem is. It's him.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Oh, what did I do?
Howard Wolowitz: You made us feel like we're not trying hard enough.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Yeah, we were totally fine half-assing our marriage 'till you showed up.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Look, I'm sorry you're upset with me, but I just have to say it's nice to see the two of you on the same page.
Howard Wolowitz: Oh, it does feel good to have you backing me up for once.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: I back you up all the time.
Howard Wolowitz: That is not... he's doing it again.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: What is wrong with you?
-- S07E10 The Discovery Dissipation

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Hey, you ever imagine what that would be like? Not being born?
Leonard Hofstadter: What do you think? What do you think? What do you think?
-- S07E11 The Cooper Extraction

Amy Fowler: Hi, Sheldon. Everything okay?
Sheldon Cooper: No, it's not. I've seen things, lady things.
Amy Fowler: Listen to me. That is not the way they usually look.
Sheldon Cooper: Doesn't matter. This is no way to make new humans, people coming out of people. It's some kind of dirty magic show.
-- S07E11 The Cooper Extraction

Amy Fowler: Can we maybe put the phones down and have an actual human conversation?
Sheldon Cooper: We can, but thanks to Steve Jobs, we don’t have to.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Sheldon Cooper: I believe that a joke is a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist. For example, uh, Wolowitz's mother is so fat that she decided to go on a diet, or exercise, or both. See? The twist is that people don't usually change. Well, they don't.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Sheldon Cooper: The philosopher Henri Bergson says it's funny when a human being behaves like an object.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Sheldon Cooper: Perhaps I'll spend some time developing a unified theory of comedy, which will allow me to elicit laughter from anyone at any time. Unless they’re German, 'cause that's a tough crowd.
Leonard Hofstadter: Are you set on people laughing with you? 'Cause if you're cool with at you...
Sheldon Cooper: I don't get it.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Leonard Hofstadter: You still got the part. That's a huge accomplishment.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, but this was supposed to be my break, okay? People were gonna see me in this show and it was gonna lead to bigger things. More auditions, more parts. Now none of that's gonna happen.
Leonard Hofstadter: Honey, you only had, like, three lines. That wasn't gonna happen anyway.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Unbelievable.
Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, come on, no, that's not what I meant.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Then what did you mean?
Leonard Hofstadter: I don't, look, you know, words don't always have to mean things.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I think you meant that you don't believe in me.
Leonard Hofstadter: Nope. Uh, uh, I might not know what I meant, but I know that I didn't mean that. Not this guy. Oh, no way.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I want you, right now, to give me your 100% honest opinion.
Leonard Hofstadter: Right.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Do you think I have what it takes to really make it as an actress?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: So you think I'll be on TV and in movies, and win awards.
Leonard Hofstadter: Honestly?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yes, honestly.
Leonard Hofstadter: I don't.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: How could you say that? Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know, I got all confused when you said honestly.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh.
Leonard Hofstadter: Look, do I think that you are talented and that you are beautiful? Of course I do. But isn't Los Angeles full of actresses who are just as talented, just as beautiful? All right, look, we’ll come back to that.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: No, please. Don't stop, go on. Tell me how I’m gonna be a waitress for the rest of my life.
Leonard Hofstadter: That is not what I said. Look, I think you're really good. I truly do. But this is an incredibly hard thing that you're shooting for. I mean, the odds of anyone becoming a successful actor are like a million to one.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Wow, thank you.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Sheldon Cooper: This is interesting. Apparently, a key component in some forms of humor is the element of surprise.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Sheldon Cooper: Can't sleep?
Leonard Hofstadter: No.
Sheldon Cooper: Would you like to talk about it?
Leonard Hofstadter: Penny proposed, and I didn't say yes.
Sheldon Cooper: Why not?
Leonard Hofstadter: That's a good question.
Sheldon Cooper: Does that mean the relationship is over?
Leonard Hofstadter: I don't know.
Sheldon Cooper: Why don't you ask her?
Leonard Hofstadter: Because I'm afraid to know the answer.
Sheldon Cooper: Well, I'm sorry.
-- S07E12 The Hesitation Ramification

Sheldon Cooper: The best way to achieve a goal is to devote 100% of your time and energy to it. When I decided I was going to be a physicist, I didn't take some other job in case it didn't work out. Which wasn't easy because there was a lot of pressure from Ms. Pearson for me to be chalk monitor that year.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Thank you. I needed to hear that. Why can't Leonard understand it?
Sheldon Cooper: Because he's not like us, Penny. We're dreamers.
-- S07E13 The Occupation Recalibration

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, if you support me, what was with that phone call?
Leonard Hofstadter: Fine. I'm not sure you should have quit. But if you care so much what I think, why didn't you ask me before you did it?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh, so now I need your permission? Would you have asked me before you quit your job?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yes. I thought we were in the kind of relationship where we make decisions together. If I’m wrong, maybe we should talk about the kind of relationship we are in.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, well, maybe we do.
Sheldon Cooper: I’m willing if you guys are.
Leonard Hofstadter: Can we please have some privacy?
Sheldon Cooper: No, I’m as much a part of this relationship as you two. I think that it is high time that we put all our cards on the table. For example, where is this going? Are you two ever getting married? And if so, where will we all live? Have you thought about that?
Leonard Hofstadter: No.
Sheldon Cooper: Penny?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, wait. What are we doing?
Leonard Hofstadter: For some reason, we’re planning a future where we both live with Sheldon forever.
-- S07E13 The Occupation Recalibration

Leonard Hofstadter: Listen, I could never do what you're doing, okay? I would be terrified.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Well, it's scary for me, too.
Sheldon Cooper: I'm fine with it.
Leonard Hofstadter: My point is, just because I couldn't do it doesn't mean you shouldn't. And I'm proud of you.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay. Thank you.
-- S07E13 The Occupation Recalibration

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I can't believe Leonard is spending hundreds of dollars on scalped tickets.
Amy Fowler: Last week, you spent that on a little dress.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, but those tickets only get him into Comic-Con. That dress gets me into anywhere I want.
-- S07E14 The Convention Conundrum

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Let me ask you a question. When did you guys start feeling grown up? 'Cause I am not sure I do.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Honestly, I thought when I got married I would, but I still kind of feel like I'm pretending. It doesn't help that most of my clothes come from Gap Kids.
...
Amy Fowler: I think I have you both beat. Imagine trying to feel like a grown-up when you've never even been with a man.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, sex is not what makes you a grown-up.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Yeah, or you'd be the oldest one here.
-- S07E14 The Convention Conundrum

Sheldon Cooper: I never want this day to end.
Amy Fowler: It's feeling like it never will.
-- S07E15 The Locomotive Manipulation

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: So, your boyfriend's a fixer-upper. Most of them are.
-- S07E15 The Locomotive Manipulation

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Oh, sure, I sit on the floor for years, no one cares. The pretty white girl's there ten seconds, and suddenly we're all running to IKEA.
Sheldon Cooper: No one is running anywhere. We're not getting a dining room table.
Leonard Hofstadter: I know you don't like change, but it’s not a terrible idea.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, you guys never use that space up there. Why not get a table?
Sheldon Cooper: Do you want the long answer or the short answer?
Howard Wolowitz: Hey, how come we never get that option?
Sheldon Cooper: Chaos theory suggests that even in a deterministic system, if the equations describing its behavior are non-linear, a tiny change in the initial conditions can lead to a cataclysmic and unpredictable result.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Translation?
Leonard Hofstadter: Waah. I don't want a table.
-- S07E16 The Table Polarisation

Sheldon Cooper: Well, I don't know if I won that (argument), but at least he's upset.
-- S07E16 The Table Polarisation

Sheldon Cooper: Wait. How do I know that you're not manipulating me right now?
Amy Fowler: I think if I were manipulating you, you'd be smart enough to see it.
Sheldon Cooper: How do I know you're not saying that as part of the manipulation?
Amy Fowler: I think you'd be smart enough to see that, too.
Sheldon Cooper: Okay. I'm sorry I gave you such a hard time, I just had to be sure.
-- S07E16 The Table Polarisation

Mary Cooper: I will give you one opportunity, young man, to apologize.
Sheldon Cooper: Or what?
Mary Cooper: Or I will send you to your room.
Sheldon Cooper: That's ridiculous. I am a grown man. I am a professional scientist. And I currently occupy the moral high ground.
Mary Cooper: Go to your room.
Sheldon Cooper: But I occupy the moral high ground.
Mary Cooper: Go to your room.
Sheldon Cooper: But I'm a professional scientist.
Mary Cooper: Go to your room!
Sheldon Cooper: I'm a grown man.
-- S07E18 The Mommy Observation

Sheldon Cooper: Well, this is confusing for me, but I don't want to stand in the way of your happiness. So, I'll condemn you internally while maintaining an outward appearance of acceptance.
-- S07E18 The Mommy Observation

Sheldon Cooper: I'm not being stupid. I'm employing the work of Dutch researcher, Mirjam Tuk, who found that people with full bladders make better decisions.
-- S07E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Can I get your opinion on something that happened at work today?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yeah, sure.
Amy Fowler: Of course.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Okay, well, I did something that will either make me look like a lovable goof or a horrible monster damned to spend eternity in hell.
Amy Fowler: I'm sure it's lovable.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I'm gonna go with monster. What do you got?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Well, there's this lady in our office who's retiring, and they were passing around one of those big cards for us to sign.
Amy Fowler: Okay.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: But no one told me she was in a horrible car accident over the weekend and what I was signing was not a retirement card but was actually a get well card.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: I'm liking my odds here.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: So on the card, in the hospital, next to the woman who's clinging to life are the words, "Hey, Vivian. You deserve this. And at least with you gone, no one will steal my yogurt out of the fridge."
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: No.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: "LOL. Smiley face."
Amy Fowler: Oh, my gosh.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: "P.S. Good luck wherever you wind up."
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh. Why didn’t I put money on this? ...
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Am I a terrible person?
Amy Fowler: No. No, it was a mistake.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Am I a terrible person that it crossed my mind that she might die and never see the card?
Amy Fowler: Now I think you're flirting with the line.
-- S07E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Okay. Penny, two of the brightest stars in the night sky are Altair and Vega. And it is said they were deeply in love but forever separated by the celestial river of the Milky Way.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Oh, that's sad.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: It is. But once a year, on the seventh day of the seventh month, Vega cries so hard that all the magpies in the world fly up and create a bridge with their wings so the two lovers can be together for a single night of passion.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Wow.
-- S07E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: I can't date two women at once. Zero women, that's my sweet spot.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Unless you're sleeping with one of them, seeing other people isn't a big deal.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: But what if one of them asks me what I was up to the night before and I was with the other one? Then, what, do I lie?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Yes.
Howard Wolowitz: Yes.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: What do you mean, yes?
Howard Wolowitz: What do you mean, yes?
-- S07E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Any news on your co-worker who's in the hospital?
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Poor thing, she was in surgery for eighteen hours. She's alive, but she's still in critical condition.
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: Oh, no.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: The one bit of good news is they put her in a medically induced coma before she read the card. So, you know, silver linings.
Howard Wolowitz: Were you like this when I married you?
-- S07E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Did you figure out what you're gonna do about the two girls?
Rajesh Koothrappali, also known as Raj: As a matter of fact, I did. I've spent so many years living in fear, saying no to new experiences, but from now on, I'm gonna say yes. Yes to love, yes to adventure, yes to life. Whatever it may be, the answer's going to be yes.
Howard Wolowitz: He's gonna die alone, right?
Leonard Hofstadter: Yes.
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Yes.
Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz: Yes.
-- S07E19 The Indecision Amalgamation

Penelope ?, also known as Penny: Okay, how about we toast your newfound freedom?
Sheldon Cooper: Ah, normally I refrain from alcohol, but since my cerebral cortex is twiddling its proverbial thumbs, why not soak it in grape juice that's been predigested by a fungus?
-- S07E20 The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon Cooper: Well, you know, I've always been a fan of a story told by Attar of Nishapur, about a king who assembled a group of wise men to create a ring that would make him happy when he was sad. And that ring was inscribed with the phrase, "this too shall pass".
-- S07E20 The Relationship Diremption

Sheldon Cooper: Hmm. What can we do that's fun?
Leonard Hofstadter: What can we do that's different?
Penelope ?, also known as Penny: What can we do that's free?
-- S07E20 The Relationship Diremption

Posted by at
Labels: ,